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How International
Corporations Work
Explained with the Help of Cows
Traditional
Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
An American
Corporation
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows
are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new
president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance
sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A French
Corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A
Japanese Corporation
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon'
and market them World-Wide.
A
German Corporation
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
An
Italian Corporation
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
So you break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
An Indian Corporation
You have two cows.
You worship them.
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United Nations Survey
Last month, a world survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to
the food shortage in the rest of the world." The survey was a huge
failure...
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In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
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In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
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In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
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In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
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In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
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In South America they didn't know what "please" meant, and
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In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
How Do We Know that Adam and Eve were not Chinese?
Simple, when temptation reared its delicious head, they would have
thrown away the apple. Both of them would have eaten the snake
instead.
Ze Langadzh of ze Urop
The European Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language
of the European Union rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the
soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should
klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm
in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with
the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of
the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the
removal of double leters which have always been a deterent to
akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent
'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to
steps such as replasing 'th'with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze
fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and
similar changes vud of kors be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.
After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech oza. Ze drem of an united
Urop vil finali kum tru!
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