Cross-cultural Differences




How International Corporations Work

Explained with the Help of Cows


Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

An American Corporation
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public buys your bull.

A French Corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary  cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

A German Corporation
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian Corporation
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
So you break for lunch.

A Swiss Corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

An Indian Corporation
You have two cows.
You worship them.

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United Nations Survey

Last month, a world survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world." The survey was a huge failure...

  • In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

  • In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

  • In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

  • In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

  • In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

  • In South America they didn't know what "please" meant, and

  • In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.


How Do We Know that Adam and Eve were not Chinese?

Simple, when temptation reared its delicious head, they would have thrown away the apple. Both of them would have eaten the snake instead.

Ze Langadzh of ze Urop

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.

After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech oza. Ze drem of an united Urop vil finali kum tru!


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